Dreamer

Here I am again writing to my blog, because it’s my birthday again, reflecting again on myself. How old am I? I will be 27 on Thursday, August 14.

As of now I have zero debt but zero savings. How nice is it? Actually it’s not so nice when I am thinking about my future. If these continue like this, what will happen when I have my own family? And God forbid some emergency happen to me or one of the members of my family, what will happen.

I created a plan for my future.

My goal is to have my own business. I already have an idea what business will I start. Off course I need a capital for these. With the help of my girlfriend, I budget my income to save at least 20 percent of all my income every month. The trick is save first before spending money to my usual expenses.

In this planning, as a computer programmer, I realized that I have used a lot of programming languages but I didn’t have a specialty. It just simply mean that I am a jack of all trade but master of nothing. So I picked a language that I will master, I’ll buy books that will help me master it. If possible I’ll take a certification exam for these. After I master these, I’ll apply to work abroad for a while. This way it will be faster to save money for my business.

Hope my plan will work. That’s all for now people. See you on my next post.

Now im 26 going to be 27 yrs old on August. Everytime when im alone in my room, I tend to reflect on how all those years of my life have been. What have I accomplished to be proud of, and what have I failed to do and feel regret for the rest of my life. I also think of my future. What are my plans in life and what will I do now to meet my goal in the end.

Well what’s done is done. There is no sense in thinking "I should have done that or this!". Well that’s life, one second its in front of you and one blink of an eye its already history. All we can do is just stare of what we have done and do the right thing ahead of you. Just learn from your mistakes and let go.

Now I should focus on my future. I want to have enough money to start a business. Well thats my goal for now. To start off, I will find a part time job that will help me save some money. To be honest, my current salary on my present job is just for survival. So if good oppurtunity to go abroad pass in front of me, I’ll grab it tight. Maybe 2 or 3 years is enough to have a savings to put up a small business.

I want to have my own business. I dont want to be an employee for the rest of my life. I want also to be a boss. A boss who doesn’t have a big boss above me. I want to enjoy working without thinking of what will my boss say to me. And above all I want it, because I dont want to worry about survival anymore. I want my family to experience a pleasant life.

Soon I’ll get marry and have children. I dont want to give them a life of hardships that I have experienced.

Well thats all for now, I’ll just give you an update on my next article about my life. 

Wow sa wakas nabayaran ko rin mga utang ko sa mga bwisit na credit card. Sa bagay di naman nila yun kasalanan kasi ako ang gumagamit ng credit card. Kaya ang dapat sisihin eh yung bank parin hahaha…Bakit ko naman sisisihin ang sarili ko? Ako na nga ang naghirap eh…hehehe…Anyway atleast ngayon bayad ko na sila lahat.Pati yung motor ko nabayaran ko na rin.Thank you sa dati kong boss binigyan nya ako ng pambayad.

Kaya ngayon medyo nararamdaman ko na ang sweldo ko. Kahit marami parin gastos atleast nakikita ko pinagkakagastusan ko. Napaayos ko na ang bubong namin na kita ko na ang langit dahil sa dami ng butas.Yung harap ng bahay namin na parang gubat napasimento ko na. Tsaka araw araw na kami may ulam. Sarap ng pakiramdam na nakakacontribute ako dito sa bahay  bukod pa sa binibigay ko kay mama na panggastos.

Kaya pagbubutihan ko pa trabaho ko dito sa trabaho ko ngayon para lalo ko maramdaman ang mga pinaghihirapan ko. Di na ako gagamit ng credit card hanggang kaya pa. Iwas muna sa di kailangang gastos. Focus muna sa work, sa pamilya at sa lovelife dahil para sa kanila naman lahat ng pinaghihirapan ko eh. Pagnakatapos ang dalawa kong kapatid sa college(4th yr na next year), magpaplano na kami ni venus magpakasal.

As for now todo kayod muna. At sana makaipon ako para sa mga future plans ko.

At last! I have a new job. Medyo maganda naman ang offer sakin. Sana maging ok na ako dito. Ngayon magiging mas focus ako sa job ko. Ilalabas ko kung ano talaga ang skills ko na nakita ng mga previous company ko. Isusubsob ko ang sarili ko sa pagtatrabaho. Ayoko may masabi ang boss ko sa pagtatrabaho ko. Allthough sa bahay lang ako magwowork pipilitin ko na matapos lahat ng magiging project ko before the deadline. Past is past… let the failure be a lesson. Just charge all the bad things to experience. I’ll will have a fresh start. Sana lang ibigay ng bago kong company ang dapat na sakin. Sana ibigay nila lahat ng ipinangako nila.

Hanggang dito nalang siguro muna… babalitaan ko nalang ulit kayo sa mga kaganapan sa buhay ko.

Well here I am again! Naghahanap ng bagong mapapasukang trabaho. Ano nanaman ang nangyari sa job ko? Bakit nanaman ako aalis? Ayoko ng pagusapan pa… Ang mahalaga sakin ngayon eh makahanap ng malilipatang trabaho. Mahirap palang umasa na sa mga pangakong binibitiwan ng mga boss. Nakakadismaya lang, nakakadisappoint. Nakakasama ng loob, sa totoo lang hindi ko pa nailalabas ang bigat ng nararamdaman ko sa dibdib ko. Im controlling the situation. Trying to let them know that im not affected and I can stand on my own. But deep inside parang gusto kong sumabog o magpakalayo layo. Gusto ko magbakasyon sa isang probinsyang walang nakakakilala sa akin. I want to pick up the pieces of my shattered pride. Gusto kong alisin lahat ng sama ng loob sa dibdib ko. Gusto kong magsimula ulit sa isang bagong trabaho na puno ng lakas at malinaw na isip. Walang iniisip na nakaraan.

Andito nanaman ako sa bagong trabaho, bagong gagawin at bagong pagaaralan ko.
Panglimang trabaho ko na pala to, simula nung nilisan ko ang aking minamahal na School nung colege. Siguro nga ganun talaga ako, pag medyo nababato na sa ginagawa, naghahanap ng bagong gagawin.

Di ko naman alam kung magiging successful ako dito sa bago kong trabaho. Pero its the risk that I have to take. Sabi nga ng boss ko ngayon, "No risk no fun". Dati naghahanap ako ng challenges sa work, kasi parang pare pareho nalang ang ginagawa ko. Ngayon nakahanap siguro ako ng katapat. Sobrang interesting and sobrang chalenging tong napasukan ko ngayon. Napasubo yata ako ah. Gusto ko sigurong malaman ang limit ko dito sa pinili kong profession.

Well lets see after 2 or 3 years. Maalala ko tong pinagsusulat ko dito after the outcome.
Kaya balik na ulit sa trabaho… 

Isang taon nanaman ang lumipas. Isang taon nanaman ang dumagdag sa edad ko. Nasan na nga ba ako ngayon? Nagawa ko ba ang mga dapat kung gawin. Masaya ba ako sa buhay ko ngayon? 25 years na akong nabubuhay sa mundong ibabaw. Ano na bang nagawa ko sa loob ng maraming taon na yun. Saan ba ako papunta.

Im still fullfilling my dreams. Sana malayo pa ang marating ko. Gusto kong makita ang mundo. Still no plans to settle down. I need to be financially, physically, spiritually and emotionally prepared for that. For now my priority is my carreer. I still need to support the studies of my siblings. After my 2 younger brothers finished their college, maybe then I can already settle down. Wish ko lang makatapos sila.

I joined this forum(asmsi.org.ph) on March 15 2004.
I enjoyed chatting with new friends and posting my ideas, if I’m interested in certain topics.
Good thing about this website is, anyone can see who’s new in the website. I always checked out who’s new then, then I’ll send a message to them to make new friends. One time I was checking, I saw the name simple_shine26. I quickly checked her profile and then I saw her picture, "wow she’s pretty". But too bad she’s studying in Mindoro, too far from manila to see her in person. I got her YM ID, we chatted everyday and talked about anything under sun, listening to each others problems, giving advices. But by that time I still had a girlfriend, and she had a boyfriend… So we both respected each other’s status. We remained friends.

Time passed by and we got busy with our own lives. She graduated college while I worked hard for my promotion.

Sometime in March of 2005 I saw her online in YM, I talked to her just like before, I asked her what she’d been doing the past months. I found out that she’s here in Manila cause taking review classes for the CPA exam. I got her cell number to keep in contact to her.

I invited her to watch our game in the First Father Al’s Cup wherein we, the KOTA boys, were the defending champions. That was our first time we met in person. My first impression was right, whether in the chatroom or in person.

Also, at that time I was having problems with my girlfriend, "my ex" now, I don’t know, but her behavior rapidly changed. She always worked and went home late. I know cause we live close by. I remember one time, it was her birthday, supposedly we were going to celebrate it but she came home late. I asked her why, she said her colleagues throw her a party that she couldn’t say no to. I believed her but I had a strong gut feeling that something fishy is going on. To cut the story short, I found out she had another boyfriend…

It was very painful. I didn’t know what I was gonna do. I was devastated but I decided to let her go.. At that time Shine was one of the persons whose consoled me. She gave me advices and suggestions to make my pain subside.

We texted each other everyday, checking on each other. “Kumain ka na ba?”, “Kumusta araw mo”, those simple little words made our friendship grow. We become “best friends.” Eventually we hang out, go to mass together, malls etc.. One time we went to Baywalk to drink couple of bottles. We talked all night, talking about non sense, but we were happy. I asked her to take a walk with me. While we were walking, I took a deep breathe and I held her hand then I smiled at her. We walked holding hands like a couple. Then we went home riding a cab. We were still holding hands in the cab until we arrived at her dorm. We said good night and I went home with a smile on my face.

On "May 7, 2005" we went to the mall coz she wanted to buy clothes. We strolled the mall holding hands. We didn’t want our hands to be apart. After she bought her clothes. We grabbed a cup of coffee at Seattles Best. We were sitting like a couple coz we were hugging each other. Our cheeks stuck to each other and I didn’t know what happened. I felt like I was in heaven, I couldn’t still see it clearly until now. And at that time I told her that I loved her with all my heart. But she was afraid because she knows that I just broke up with my ex. She was afraid that I will only use her as a scape goat or “Panakip Butas.” But I told her that my love for her is true and I will leave the past for a new beginning and for a new love.

We sailed smoothly on our first few weeks. She took the board exams but unfortunately she didn’t make it. Her world stopped after that. I was there to comfort her and to give her encouragement. I told her “Don’t worry, you still have another chance.” But now she has to work to support herself and to pay those who helped her while she was reviewing. Now she’s working in Laguna. We see each other twice or thrice a month. Its very hard when we were apart. Although I want to see her everyday, its impossible. But I remember what she always says to me..”Wag ka magalala, hindi panghabambuhay tong sitwasyon natin. Konting tiis lang, magkakasama rin tayo.” I keep these words in my heart. Time will come and we will be together forever.

Mary Venus Nepomuceno, I love you very much.